i was born a porn star she said
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
