I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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