Farmville is her only friend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
