an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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