I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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