I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
