i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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