im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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