you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
