I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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