I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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