Im at strip club and am horny
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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