We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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