i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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