After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
