It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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