so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
