My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
