I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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