she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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