the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
