It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
