I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
