I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
