I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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