I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
