so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
