just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
