A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The power of my boobs compel you
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
