i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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