It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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