you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
