you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
