Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
