I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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