well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
