You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
