I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
