So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
