i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
