All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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