Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
