dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
