Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
