there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
