I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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