so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
