just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm like, not good at living.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
