I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
