end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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