you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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