you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
