just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
